i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
