you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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