There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
