All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
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