i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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