he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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