I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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