He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
