Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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