Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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