evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
