wrigley field is MILF paradise
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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