I'm so fucking centered right now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize