I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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