she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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