My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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