Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
