He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
