If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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