well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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