Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
