Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
