i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
