Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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