so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
