I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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