don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
this hospital has no fireball
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
