i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
