Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
