Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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