Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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