We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
