my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
