he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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