I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
