I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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