u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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