just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
