Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
