come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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