Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
