I CAN MOONWALK!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
