Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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