I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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