Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
