we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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