don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
this hospital has no fireball
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
