Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
