I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
