At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
