Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Boobs speak an international language.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
40s are totally the cure
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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