you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
