When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
only you would photoshop your dick
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
