omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
