Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your penis caused this!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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