What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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