Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
BRING THE BAGELS
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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