I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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