Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
