You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
