I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I died a long time ago.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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