dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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