Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
