I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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