chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
