I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
