kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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