i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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