I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
