my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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