whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Randomize
