my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
