If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
