Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
