end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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