i would punch a child for taco bell
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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