Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
