ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
