Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
