My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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