pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
