he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you had me at cake vodka
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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