He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
