are you still at the devil's house?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
