Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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