I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Who died my cat blue again?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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