Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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